"do you think he’s attractive?" the straight male is asked. against his better judgement, he says "yeah, i guess so." suddenly, the police burst in. they seize the man, take away his certificate of heterosexuality, and exile him to wander the realm of the gay forever. if only the man had responded with "how should i know? i’m not into dudes"
"Welcome back everyone! My name is Deadpool, the mercenary with the mouth canary. I feel like it’s been 80 years since our last issue. Oh no, wait… that’s just because we ran a ‘lost’ issue from the 80’s last time! Hold up — you didn’t buy it? But it was totally radical! This demon named Vestis hired me to mess with Iron Man, but I totally screwed him over and got him dragged to hell for eternal suffering! Seriously sweet stuff!"
I want a movie about a kid who just so happens to be born a Classic Gothic Hero, but in modern day. His name would be like Byron Dangerfield or something.
Whenever he has EMOTIONS, there are claps of thunder and lightning. Every time he leans against a piece of furniture, it turns out to open a secret passageway leading to some dark secret, until eventually he’s just like “REALLY, GUYS?” All bad dreams are prophetic, even if it’s just that Starbucks will be out of pumpkin spice syrup the next day. Every girl he talks to swoons a lot and has a tyrannical heavy-browed father who are all played by the same actor. Ravens flock around him.
There are inexplicably paintings with moving eyes and moving suits of armor everywhere he goes, even McDonalds. Every time he moves to a new apartment, there is ALWAYS a screaming woman chained up in the room above his, and she invariably sets the place on fire. He’s so over it.